I AM GOING TO KILL HIM
by OttoIsMyDog
Summary: She yelled furiously at him. 'THAT, THAT WAS FOR NOT TELLING ANYONE WHERE YOU WERE GOING OR WHAT YOU WERE DOING AND RUNNING OFF WITH THOSE TWO FOR NINE MONTHS AND THEN GETTING YOURSELF KILLED' Now a series of H/G humor one shots.
1. I AM GOING TO KILL HIM

I AM GOING TO KILL HIM

**I've read a few of these types of story and have come to the conclusion that they are all to depressing, so I set myself the challenge of writing one that was funny. I think it is fair to say that I've failed, but I like to think that it is a little funny even if it's more angst than humor.**

* * *

Ginny was sitting at the Gryffindor table with Luna and Neville eating breakfast. Her family was talking to people who had survived the final battle and the ministry, apart from George and Ron. She assumed George was with Angelina somewhere quiet. A great wave of anger and sorrow swept over her once again as she remembered Fred. She knew that George would never really be okay, sure he would smile and laugh and make jokes and maybe even have children in the future but he would never truly move on, and he would need all the help he could get. She found herself smiling she knew that Angelina would help him she would be great.

Sighing she looked up; it was the day after the final battle. Families were being reunited, people were crying and laughing. She could see a small boy beaming from ear to ear as he ran to meet an older man Ginny recognized as one of Kingsleys aurors. She smiled he must have fought in the battle and the boy must be his son; at least there were going to be some happy endings. The man picked up his son and swung him round stopping when his wife reached them to pull her into a hug and kiss her. Ginny felt another gut wrenching realization; Remus and Tonks should have been like that with Teddy, they should have been happy, had the chance to be a proper family.

''Ginny.'' she heard Neville speak as if from a long distance. '_'Ginny_.''

''Sorry.'' she said ''Day dreaming.''

Luna smiled and said in her usual dreamy voice. ''Its good fun isn't it?''

''Mmm'' Ginny said ''I wouldn't exactly describe it as fun.''

Neville watched her curiously. ''Aren't you going to go and see Harry now?''

Ginny shook her head, her long red hair swinging behind her back, ''No, I'm going to wait until he's down here, I want him to be fully awake when I see him.''

''Why?'' Neville asked.

''Because I want to hit him.'' She answered smiling.

* * *

Harry woke up on the morning after the battle with a pounding headache, _typical_. He pushed himself up on to his pillows and rubbed his eyes to wake himself up fully. There were a pile of clean clothes at the end of his bed; Hermione must have put them there. He smiled briefly she thought of everything. Pushing himself up of the bed he picked up the clothes to change into them after he'd had a shower.

It felt good to be in clean clothes, he couldn't remember the last time he felt clean. His arms hurt, his legs hurt, his head hurt and his heart hurt. All the people that had died, they didn't deserve it. None of them should have even been hurt, he should have died, not Fred, not Remus or Tonks, not Colin Creavey or any of the others. He sat back down on the bed and closed his eyes. He didn't want to go down to the great hall or even to the Gryffindor common room, but he had learnt from experience that the longer you put something off the harder it becomes. Sighing he got up and made his way slowly over to the door that led down to the common room and the rest of the world. As he climbed down the stories the realized that he hadn't see Ron or Hermione since the previous night when he'd left them together in the common room and he hadn't seen Ginny in even longer. He opened the door that led in to the common room to reveal Ron and Hermione sitting together next to the fire, they were the only ones in the room.

He smiled when he saw them Hermione was leaning on Ron who had his arm draped around her shoulders. They got up when they saw him and came over to him, Hermione looked concerned and Ron grinned.

''Harry.'' she said. ''Are you okay?''

''Fine.'' Harry lied forcing a smile.

He could tell that they didn't believe him but neither of them said anything for which he was grateful.

''Come on.'' Hermione said turning towards the portrait whole.

''Wait a second.'' Ron said. ''What are we doing?''

Harry looked as blank as Ron; Hermione rolled her eyes in an amused way. ''Down stairs, to see everyone.''

''Oh yeah,'' Ron said vaguely. ''I thought we could do that later.'' Harry nodded agreeing.

''Why not now?'' Hermione asked.

''Because'' Ron said, ''If we do it now everyone will want to know what we were doing and, well it would just be easier to do it later.''

''So you want to stay up here for the rest of our lives, that's slightly counter productive don't you think after everything we've just done.''

''I didn't mean that, I just thought that we could wait,'' Ron said,

Harry sighed he didn't exactly want to go down stairs and see everyone but he also wanted more than anything to see Ginny and as she wasn't in the common room it looked like he'd have to go and find her.

''Hermione's probably right you know, she normally is.'' he pointed out to Ron who seemed to be unable to find an argument to that point.

''Well then.'' Hermione said. ''Come on.''

''If Rita Skeeters there can we please go later?'' Ron said in a last attempt to stay in the deserted common room.

''I can get _her_ to go away, you know that.''

''Nice try.'' Harry muttered to Ron as they followed Hermione out of the room.

* * *

''I still don't get it.'' Neville said. ''Harry just saved the whole wizarding world and you want to hit him.''

''Yes.'' Ginny said pride shining in her eyes, but noticing Neville's worried face she added. ''Don't worry Neville, its okay.''

Neville waited for more of an explanation but Ginny just looked over to where Rita Skeeter was trying to talk to people who had fought.

''I thought Hermione told her to stay away.'' She said angrily,

''Never mind that.'' Neville said. ''Why are you going to hit Harry?''

''You'll see soon enough.''

''You've wanted to see him for nearly a year and now that you can your going to hit him.''

''Yes Neville, you don't need too keep saying it that's what I'm going to do.''

Neville shook his head _''girls'' _he muttered under his breath.

* * *

Harry, Ron and Hermione were just about to reach the great hall, their pace had gradually got slower until they stopped just before the entrance.

''You know what you were saying about spending the rest of our lives in Gryffindor common room Hermione?'' Harry said. ''It just became a lot more attractive.''

Ron nodded in agreement and Hermione rolled her eyes at them both in exasperation. ''Come on.'' She said and led the way into the great hall. When they entered the hall fell silent and then there was an outbreak of deafening applause that echoed around the room. The three of them stood there unsure how to react and waited for the applause to stop, which in the end it did, admittedly leaving them all slightly deaf.

Before anyone else moved Ginny had got up and ran over to the group when she reached Harry she threw her arms around his neck hugging him tightly and he pulled her closer. Harry could see Hermione making her way quickly over too Rita Skeeter who seemed very interested in him and Ginny, they exchanged a few quick words before Skeeter lowered her note pad, turned on her heel and left the hall in a huff. Harry smiled to himself before closing his eyes and pulling Ginny even closer to him. After what could have been years they broke apart and Ginny looked up into his amazing bright green eyes.

Then she raised her hand and slapped him hard around the face. There was a stunned silence in the hall, Ron made to move forwards but decided it was safer to stay back. Harry gaped at Ginny for a moment before saying loudly/ ''WHAT WAS THAT FOR?''

Ginny who was wearing and unreadable expression said just as loudly. ''THAT**.** THAT WAS FOR NOT TELLING ANYONE WHERE YOU WERE GOING OR WHAT YOU WERE DOING AND RUNNING OFF WITH THOSE TWO FOR NEARLY A YEAR AND THEN **GETTING YOURSELF KILLED!**''

Harry watched her for a moment, her eyes shone in the light streaming in through the window. ''Fair point.'' He said amused.

Ginny's anger left her and once again she threw her arms around his neck but this time she kissed him fiercely, and he kissed her back. They didn't care that the whole of Ginny's family, most of the ministry, and nearly all of Hogwarts were there, only that after a year of missing one another they could finally be together.

They separated but Ginny's arms didn't leave Harry's neck. ''And that,'' she whispered quietly. ''Was for coming back.''

Harry beamed as her breath tickled his face and pulled her into another hug ready to carry on with the rest of his life…

* * *

**A/N **

**Yeah like I said depressing, it's hard to write things at this point in time that aren't I've found. I have a feeling that it's caused by everyone dying; it really puts a dampener on things.**

**So what do you think was it remotely funny or was that all my imagination (I think I have a rather strange one)?**

**Soo, please review (: tell me what you think.**

**Annnnd if you find that you are at a loss for what to do you could read one of my other stories. **


	2. Authors Note

Hey people so I was wondering if anyone would like me to make this into a series of one shots between Ginny and Harry?

Leave a review and if people want me to then I will (:


	3. BREATHE

**BREATHE**

**A/N I have actually posted this as a one shot already because I wrote it a while ago but I do really like it so I thought I would add it to these for all of you lovely people.**

''I know how to breathe you idiot, I've been doing it my whole bloody life.'' I screamed at the prat who was at the moment standing next to me panting, honestly you'd think he was the one in the hospital bed. Don't get me wrong I love him, I love him more than anything else in the whole world, including the toy dog that I'd been given for my third birthday. But that doesn't stop him being a prat.

Did I mention that I was giving birth?

And it is in no way my fault that the healer who is supposed to be a professional was offended by my slightly colourful language. She had said that there wasn't a name under the sun that she hadn't been called when we first met, so I felt in no way obliged to be polite to her. Okay so maybe it was slightly my fault that she walked out to find another healer to deal with me, but I am giving birth I'm aloud to be slightly hormonal, what's her excuse.

So in summary I'm in st Mungos with my prat, sorry my _husband_, I'm giving birth without a healer, and the rest of my extensive family is waiting outside the room, Merlin knows why they don't come and help or find a healer.

''AHHHHHHHHHHHHH, HARRY.'' I screamed loudly and grabbed his hand crushing it in mine, I was in pain, it was only fair that he got some of it; I thought that it had been bad up to now but that time it had been ten times worse.

Harry looked like he was about to feint, I almost laughed; he could take on the most powerful wizard of all time but not watch me give birth. He squeezed my hand which to be perfectly honest wasn't much help and brushed the hair out of my face which to be honest was even less helpful, I mean it's not like I'm bothered about my appearance at the moment.

''What should I do,'' he said panicking and waving his free hand around in the air. ''Should I go and find a healer?''

''Yes, just do something.'' I bellowed at him.

I heard him run to the door rather the watching him as it was at the moment to painful to move my neck. I could hear him yelling at a healer about me and smiled to myself despite the pain. He might be an idiot but he was my idiot.

I felt another contraction coming and screamed again, ''HARRY, HARRY THE BABIES COMING NOW.''

My _wonderful_ husband cane running back in to the room WITHOUT a healer but closely followed by my mother and Hermione, now don't think that I don't want them there at the moment but I would much rather they were outside. I love them both but I didn't need three people panicking over me, Harry was quite enough. I glared furiously at him and he gave me an apologetic smile that said _I couldn't stop them_ and squeezed my hand again, I retaliated by crushing his hand, making him wince.

''How can it be coming now?'' he said panicking, he does a lot of that. ''You've only been in labour for three hours.''

_Only_, did you hear him _only_ it's like he thinks this is easy. ''They don't have schedules Harry, you can't make an appointment.'' I yelled at him as he fanned my face pathetically with his hand.

''Your doing fine Ginny dear.'' My mother said in a soothing voice, which was I'll admit an improvement from Harry's panicked one but as it was my body I'd like to by the judge on how I was doing.

To my great relief at that point a healer came in which stopped my swearing at my mother, I couldn't see who they were because I was to crowed but as soon as she was in the room she took control. ''Okay.'' She said firmly. ''Anyone who's not having a baby leave the room.''

I grabbed Harry's arm as he stepped away. ''Not you you idiot, it's your baby.''

''Sorry about my colleague, she can get a bit touchy.'' She said warmly once mum and Hermione had left and she had introduced herself.

''Your not easily offended are you?'' Harry asked pleadingly.

''No don't worry, scream as much as you want.'' She said laughing slightly.

''That's what the other one said.'' Harry muttered as I crushed his hand again.

''Now Ginny the babies not far off so when I tell you to I want you to push.''

I nodded having given up normal speech just in case she wasn't as laid back as she made out, maybe I should become a mute, it would certainly make me less offensive, I pondered the matter as our baby contemplated getting out of me.

''Okay Ginny on three.'' She said in a calm relaxed voice. ''One, two, three push.''

I screamed loudly and grabbed Harry's arm violently yanking him down to my level and glaring at him furiously.

''Breathe Ginny Breathe.'' Harry said rubbing my shoulders.

''I am breathing Harry. I'm still alive aren't I.'' I glared at him, he might be one of the most amazing people in my word but still you'd think that after all his life he would have realised that you cant survive without breathing. And you certainly can't have a baby without breathing

I ran my fingers through my tangled hair. ''This is your fault.'' I bellowed at Harry. ''You did this to me.''

''Don't panic.'' he said, I had to admit he is persistent, by now most men would have hidden away in a corner, which probably would have been the safest route.

''I'm not bloody panicking Harry, you are.''

''Its okay, Ginny your doing great, just one more push.'' The healer said calmly, I wish people would stop saying that.

'' I WILL DECIDE HOW I'M DOING.'' I bellowed as I pushed, I guess the whole mute thing didn't work then, it would have been no fun anyway.

I screamed furiously crushing Harry's hand in mine and feeling his bones crack in my grip. Harry winced but made no move to get away from me he only moved closer rubbing my shoulders.

I closed my eyes and continued to push.

''Its okay Ginny you can relax now.'' The healer's voice filled the room and relief flooded through my body.

I opened my eyes to the most amazing noise in the world, pushing myself up on to the pillows I continued to watch the little bundle wrapped in a blanket in the healers arms.

She walked over to us smiling and handed me the bundle gently. ''Congratulations, you've got a baby boy.''

I stared transfixed at the baby in my arms, our baby, mine and Harry's. I looked up at Harry, his mouth was hanging open and he was staring at our baby in amazement. I turned back to the bundle and smiled, this morning I had loved Harry more that and thing else in the world, but now, now they were both going to have to share my love.

I smiled down at the baby and squeezed Harry's hand with my spare one, and for a moment, I almost forgot how to breathe.

**A/N So did you like it, I love Harry and Ginny, they are just perfect because there not perfect- if that makes sense.**

**Review please, I'm going to dedicate the next chapter someone so you never know it might be you - if you review.**

**And any prompts or ideas please tell me there all welcome (: more than welcome really, incredibly welcome and very helpful (: **

**And vote in my poll please?**


	4. Paperwork

**A/N This one is dedicated to L-U-N-A654 because her review made me smile and she looked at my Harry Potter drawings which the link for is on my profile :) **

**I hope you all like this one (:**

* * *

**Paperwork****.**

Harry Potter was in a bad mood. A very bad mood to be precise. It was his day off, a day off that had been planned for a long time, Lily was at school, James and Al were both at their Quidditch practice and the rest of the family had been told to stay away from their house today. Today was meant to be his and Ginny's day. His and Ginny's day, but oh no Kingsley apparently had other ideas.

''Stupid work.'' Harry muttered under his breath as he left the Ministers office with a handful of paper work that apparently had stuff in it from when Harry first started working at the Ministry.

''I don't care what you were doing.'' Kingsley had said. ''I am not having this pile of work on my desk for a day longer. No before you ask you cannot take it home to do, last time you did that you _lost_ it.''

''I did lose it.'' Harry argued before leaving the office in a huff.

He sat down at the desk in his office (which he had insisted Kingsley gave him), slamming the papers down with a lot more force than that which was needed and scowled.

Resigned to the fact that Kingsley wouldn't let him leave until he had finished at least half the pile of paper work he pulled out the battered quill from his draw and began on the top report.

It was one from a few months ago where they had found a group of people who thought that Voldermort had had the right idea. Fortunately they had been rather badly prepared, rather stupid and nothing like the dark wizard at all. So the case had been cleared up without anyone getting seriously hurt.

Harry began writing; _The mission went well, no one got hurt. The idiots were caught. Everyone's still alive and we don't have to see the rise of another dark wizard._

He sat back to admire his handiwork. Then looked back at the extensive pile of reports sighing. He continued in this style of writing for another fourteen reports before there was a knock on the door.

''What.'' He said, needless to say his mood had not improved.

The door swung open and Harry groaned inwardly, it was one of the junior Aurors, normally Harry would have no problem with them, in fact he liked most of them, but this particular one thought he could do everything better than the others, even Harry.

He reminded Harry of Cormac McLaggon which could never be a good thing.

''Anderson.'' Harry said in acknowledgment.

''I've done those reports that you asked for.'' He said handing them to Harry who took them resisting the urge to give all of his own reports to him to do.

After he had put the reports in a draw Harry went back to his own but Anderson didn't leave, apparently he wanted thanking.

Harry looked up and raised his eyebrows. ''Is that your daughter?'' The man said pointing to the most recent picture on Harry's desk of Lily, James and Al at Christmas.

''Yes.'' Harry said smiling slightly.

''She's fit.'' Anderson said seemingly without thinking.

''Pardon?'' Harry said dangerously.

''Um, nothing sorry, I-I should just get back to work.'' He said withering slightly under Harrys glare.

''Good idea.'' Harry growled.

Anderson left in a hurry leaving Harry breathing heavily glaring at the door; he looked back down at the reports but couldn't focus on them. He stood up angrily and paced around his office glaring at everything.

Finally deciding that he wasn't going to get any more work done he wrenched open the office door and made his way angrily to Kinsley's office pushing the door open without knocking.

Inside Kingsley was talking to another man who Harry ignored and began talking without invitation.

''Am I aloud to sack people.'' Only Harry could possibly get away with talking to the Minister for magic like that.

Kingsley frowned normally Harry would never suggest that one of his Aurors was sacked. ''Why? Does this have anything to do with actual work?'' he said suspiciously apologising to the other man.

''Sort of.'' Harry said calming down slightly.

''Sorry, Peterson can we do this later.'' Kingsley said sighing and the man nodded and left the office looking slightly amused at Harry.

''What happened?''

''You know Anderson, one of the new ones, the really cocky one who thinks he's better than everyone else.'' Harry fumed.

''The one who does all his work, yes, why what's he done?''

''He called my little girl _fit. Fit,_ not even pretty, _fit_. He's like seven years older than her.'' Harry ranted.

''Did you finish those reports.'' Kingsley said choosing to ignore Harry until he had calmed down; this tactic had proven useful in the past.

''What, I've done half of them. Now can I sack people.''

''No Harry you can't sack him for that.'' Kingsley said ignoring Harrys dramatic sigh. ''Now I want all those reports before tomorrow.''

Harry glared at his boss but Kingsley didn't move or say anything so Harry left the office angrily for the second time that day.

Back in his own office Harry sat back down at the desk and stared menacingly at the paper work as if it had caused him a great wrong.

Just then the door opened. ''I'm working.'' He growled without looking up.

''That's a shame, I'm bored.'' A voice said from the doorway.

Harry looked up surprised. ''What are you doing here?'' he said to his wife.

''I told you I'm bored.'' she said pulling up another chair to the desk. ''And I thought that since you have a whole office to do your work and I just have our very crowded house, I'd come and do my work here as well.'' She pulled out a piece of parchment about the latest quidditch match she was writing about.

Harry took it out of her hands and began to read, it was a lot more interesting than his work. ''Do you mind, I've spent all day on that I don't want you messing it up.'' She said snatching the work back and taking a couple of Harrys reports as well.

''Do you mind.'' Harry said mimicking her own voice. ''I've spent all day on those I don't want you messing it up.''

''There's no way you spent all day on these.'' She said rifling through them. ''A five year old could do better.''

''If you're not going to say anything helpful.'' Harry said rolling his eyes at her.

''_We completed the mission, isn't that the important thing'' _Ginny read sceptically.

''Haven't you got work to do.'' Harry said taking the next unfinished report and dipping his quill in ink.

''Fine.'' Ginny said picking up another quill and doing the same.

There was silence in the office for a moment apart from the scratching of quills; Harry completed another six reports before Ginny interrupted him again. ''Are you done yet?''

Harry raised his eyebrows at her and looked pointedly at the pile of unfinished paperwork. ''Your no fun.'' She muttered looking down again.

''Neither are you.'' Harry said vaguely as he began on another report.

''I came to see you didn't I.'' Ginny replied a small smile playing around her lips.

''And you've been so much fun so far.'' He muttered sighing as he looked at the reports that were still to be done.

''Let's go home and then I'll show you how fun I can be." She said grinning slyly at him.

''I can't leave until all of this is done.'' Harry groaned.

''Let me help then.''

''You didn't go on any of them, how do you know what to write.''

''Well it can't be that hard, you managed it.'' She said and Harry glared at her. ''I mean _'we completed the mission, isn't that the important thing' _that doesn't exactly require a great amount of skill does it.''

''Oh ha ha.'' Harry said sarcastically. ''Fine then you can do this one, but I don't see why you want to do work.''

''Just enjoy it I'm being nice, it won't last forever.'' Ginny hesitated as she began to write, she looked up. ''You know if we can't go home I can always show you how fun I can be in here.''

Harry looked up. ''Oh yeah?'' he said pushing the rest of the reports aside and kissing Ginny lightly.

* * *

A few hours later Harry who was coincidently in a much brighter mood by now made his way to Kingsley's office.

He opened the office and walked in, Kingsley rolled his eyes. ''Knocking still not appealed to you then.''

Ignoring this comment Harry sat down. ''I've done all the reports and I haven't sacked anyone.''

''Always a bonus.'' Kingsley said taking the top report, he frowned and then looked up at Harry. ''_I told you I was fun'' _he questioned.

Harry frowned and looked closer to the report, he realised that it was the one Ginny had written. "I didn't write that."

Kingsley shook his head. "Then who did?"

"Ginny.''

Kingsley frowned. "I don't think I want to know.'' He muttered putting the rest of the reports into a draw.

''So can I have a day off tomorrow?''

''No you've got work to do tomorrow. I need you to learn a speech.'' Kingsley said looking slightly amused at Harry face. ''Now you can go home.''

* * *

**A/N **

**Hey, I don't really like this one, I don't think that there's enough Harry/Ginny stuff but there were bits that I like.**

**I've been in bed all day with flu so I need reviews to cheer me up :D **

**Also if any one has any ideas for scenes or stuff they'd be really helpful (:**

**21 reviews, that's amazing thankyou so much (:**


	5. Unnessary stress

**Unnecessary Stress**

Hey everyone, sorry about the really long wait. This chapter is dedicated to . because this was the first thing they reviewed and they gave me some great ideas, this being one of them (:

A massive thankyou to L-U-N-A654 who also reviewed :)

Now people, this is in sixty peoples favourites and fifty five peoples alerts, the last chapter got two reviews, now I am ever so grateful for those reviews but maybe for this chapter I could get a few more ? please :)

* * *

''Look were doing it so just hurry up.'' I called pointedly to Harry who was still inside the house.

''Why.'' He moaned. ''You don't need to learn''

''Yes I do; besides I don't care what you think if you can do it I'm doing it.'' I said leaning against the car as he stood in the door way glaring at me.

''We don't both need to do know how.''

''What if you're at work and I want to take the kids somewhere, then what?''

''The flu network?''

''What if it's a place where it's not connected.'' I countered grinning.

''Where are you going to go that's not connected to the flu network?''

''A park, or somewhere else muggle.''

''What park is so far away that you can't walk there?'' Harry said raising his eyebrows at me.

I faltered slightly, he did have a point. ''That doesn't matter, I'm learning anyway. Come on.'' I said getting in to our very rarely used car.

Harry sighed and joined me, getting in to the passenger seat scowling.

''You don't have to teach me, I'm perfectly happy with a normal muggle teacher.''

''No I can do it.'' He said glaring at the dash board as if it had caused him a great personal wrong.

''Fine, come on then what's first.''

* * *

An hour later we hadn't made much progress in fact we were still in the drive, which wasn't my fault, it was Harrys.

''Look.'' My tense husband said trying to stay calm. ''You pull the gear stick back and push down gently on the acceleration, it's not hard.''

''I know.'' I muttered tightening my grip in the gear thing, pulling it towards me and pressing down on the acceleration pedal. The car tyres spun on the ground creating lots of smoke but the car didn't move it just screeched.

''Very cleaver _Mr-its-not-hard _what was that supposed to achieve?''

Harry who had his eyes closed and was taking deep breaths looked at me. ''You're supposed to take your foot off the brake, how do you expect to move when your still braking.''

''Well you didn't tell me that did you.'' I said glaring at him.

''I thought it would just be common sense.'' He said scowling. ''Look why don't I just get us out of the drive way, then you can try on the road, it might be easier.'' He finished although he didn't sound very hopeful.

''Fine.'' I muttered opening the door to swap sides.

''Okay.'' Harry said when we were on the quiet road outside our house and had swapped sides again. ''Let's try again.'' His voice was one of a parent trying not shout at a small child and I couldn't help but laugh slightly.

''Thank goodness we left the kids at Ron and Hermione's, I don't think they would lower your stress levels.'' I said laughing at Harrys face.

''I'm not stressed.'' He said. ''I just don't want to die in a car accident, and that's becoming more and more likely.''

It was my turn to scowl, honestly you'd think he had more faith in me than that, I had given birth to three of his children and played professional quidditch. ''For the head of the Auror department your scared very easily.'' I countered smiling.

''You know half of the Ministry is scared of you after the last time you came to see me.'' He muttered changing the subject.

''Look that wasn't my fault I was in a bad mood.'' I said glaring at his amused face.

''Yeah I think half of London realised you were in a bad mood.''

''Look let's just do this shall we.'' I said taking hold of the steering wheel determined to learn.

''Okay, right we'll just go forwards, that's easy even you can do it.'' Harry said.

''Yeah I can see you believe that.'' I muttered as I watched him grip the sides of his seat.

''Well you haven't proven to be the most reliable driver. Okay first press down gently on the acceleration without pressing on any other pedal and just go forwards.'' He said as if wondering how many things could go wrong.

''Okay.'' I said as I positioning my feet on the pedals carefully. ''Right.''

I pressed down on the pedal, possibly with slightly more force than was necessary because the car shot forwards, Harry swore loudly and I crashed in to a lamp post.

''I SAID GENTLY.'' Harry yelled as I peered through the window to see how much damage I had done to the car.

''That was gentle.'' I said indigently. ''It's not my fault the car doesn't like me.''

''Oh so now it's the cars fault.'' Harry muttered glaring at me.

''Yes it's the cars fault. Now how do we get it off the lamp post?'' I said looking at Harry for an answer, he just scowled.

* * *

Three hours later we were to be found on a quiet, very small country road, _only slightly lost_ as Harry put, it in a very battered car. I had mastered going backwards and forwards at varying speeds that I could only sometimes control and crashed several times trying to turn eventually managing it and ended up here.

''I'm bored.'' I stated to my husband who had his head on the dash board in the style of a man who was verging on suicide.

''At least your still alive.'' He said looking up at me.

''Look if I hadn't of gone in to that last tree the cat would have died.'' I said defensively.

''The cat would have moved, you were ages away from it.'' Harry muttered.

''Look I am going to learn this, even if it takes all night.''

''That's optimistic.'' Harry said dodging out of the way of my hand. ''Okay.'' He said let's get on to the main road and try parking.''

''Right.'' I said pushing my foot down as we drove rather fast down the small road.

''STOP!'' Harry cried just before we came out on to the main road and hit a number of other cars.

''I have.'' I muttered. ''When are they all going to move for me.''

''They don't move for you just wait until they let you out or there are no other cars there.'' Harry said.

We waited for a couple of minutes before there was a space that Harry deemed big enough; when there were no cars left coming down the road.

I managed, without doing any serious harm to anyone, to get them on to the main road, unfortunately because of Harrys bad teaching I hadn't quite grasped the concept of speed limits, or for that matter speed. At this point two things could happened, either, Harry could have realised that he was a bad teacher and stopped me from pressing my foot down, which probably would have been the safest option, or he could he could close his eyes and pray that nothing would go wrong, which is what he did, see he is a terrible teacher.

The next few minutes happened in quick succession, my foot pressed down hard on the acceleration pedal. The battered car flew forwards. Harry swore, I swore. The sirens of a waiting official car, which had been sat at the side of the road waiting for something like this, stared up. Harry swore again. I jumped, stupid sirens, the steering wheel spun under my grip. We crashed in to a stationary car at the side of the road.

''Shit.'' I murmured as Harry glared at me and the official car pulled up beside us.

* * *

''You know.'' I said from inside the police cell, after explaining to the officer why I had crashed the car and consequently how it wasn't I fault. ''I don't think I want to drive, I mean where am I going to take the kids that we can't flu to, it's unnecessary really.''

Harry who was sitting on the other side of the cell glared at me. ''I can just see the Prophets next headline _'Harry Potter, arrested my muggle police man for speeding'_ Kinsley's going to kill me.''

I laughed slightly, this was true. ''Don't worry; they said they weren't going to do anything, we just get a warning. Besides look on the bright side, at least the kids weren't with us.''

Harry continued to glare at me but before he could reply a police officer came to the door opening it and looking at us with raised eyebrows. ''Your free to go.'' He said eyeing me sternly. ''But I don't think you should be getting back in a car any time soon.'' He looked pointedly at me and I opened my mouth angrily, but before I could explain how if I wanted to I was perfectly capable of driving Harry clapped his hand over my mouth. ''Don't worry, she won't be.''

* * *

**Hope you liked it :) review please :D **


	6. The trouble with law

The problem with law.

A massive thankyou to crazy4fries, xx-crispy-mnms-lover-xx, Arielle12 and L-U-N-A-654 I got five reviews for last chapter, that actually made me so happy :D thank you so much :)

* * *

He paced around the office breathing heavily. ''Why?'' He asked for the twenty ninth time.

''Because Harry, as I have said before it is illegal. That means as head of my Auror department you can't do it.'' Kingsley said from his desk where he had been having the same conversation for over an hour.

''But there has to be a law against it, it wrong, its, it's my little girl.'' Harry moaned.

''Somehow I don't think Lily would agree with that.'' Kingsley said mildly. ''Besides it's still illegal to put a sixteen year old in Azkaban for no apparent reason.''

''Can't we make a law against it then.'' Harry pleaded.

''You want me to make a law against fourteen year girls having boyfriends?''

''Yes.'' Harry said hopefully.

Kingsley closed his eyes and counted to ten. ''Harry you are being completely unreasonable.''

''Well then can I-''

''No you can't kill him.''

''But-''

''Harry.'' The Minister for Magic said sternly.

Harry sighed. ''Can I arrange an '_accident'_ then, just to scare him off.''

''Harry.'' Kingsley repeated firmly. ''Anyway Lily has two older brothers, Teddy, three male cousins, and five uncles, isn't that what their for?''

Harry frowned. ''I'm sure there were more cousins than that.'' He muttered. ''Anyway there's also Ginny, four aunts and six female cousins who for some reason seem to think that she's old enough to have a boyfriend. We're outnumbered. Come on he's two years older that her.''

Kingsley closed his eyes in a silent prayer. ''Harry as your boss and the Minister for Magic I am forbidding you from killing him, sending him to Azkaban, or arranging an '_accident'_ for him.''

''Why can't I send him to Azkaban, just for a day, to scare him.''

''He hasn't committed a crime which is actually rather important when sending someone to Azkaban.''

''But.'' Harry began again but was interrupted by a knock on the door.

''Come in.'' Kingsley called.

A man Harry recognised from the department of mystery's entered the office with a large file entitled '_highly_ _confidential'_. ''Sorry.'' He said seeing Harry, ''I can come back?''

''No, your fine.'' Kingsley said looking pointedly at Harry.

''I'll wait outside.'' Harry muttered taking the hint.

''Feel free to go and write a report, you are supposedly at work after all.'' Kingsley said after him.

Harry ignored Kinsley and lent on the wall outside his office waiting to be allowed back in. ''Alright Harry.'' Someone said in greeting.

Harry looked up to see Ernie McMillan who worked in the '_Magical Law Enforcement office'_; he grunted in reply and went back to trying to burn the floor with his eyes.

''You okay?'' Ernie said curiously.

Harry pulled out him wand and fiddled absent minded with it. ''Lily has a boyfriend.'' He growled.

Ernie nodded in understanding. ''What are you doing here?''

''Trying to get permission to kill him.'' Harry said matter of factly as if this was an everyday occupation.

Ernie nodded again, this was normal Harry behaviour. ''Right, good luck with that.''

''What are you doing?'' Harry said carrying on the conversation.

''Oh I need to hand in these reports.'' Ernie said waving a handful of reports.

''So what's Lily's boyfriend like?''

Harry was at this point glaring at anything that moved. ''A daughter stealing idiot.''

Ernie nodded. ''So you haven't actually met him yet.''

''No, Lily sent us an owl this morning to tell us. I can't even tell her that he's not good enough for her because she's at school. Actually I wonder if the boys know.'' Harry ranted angrily, without noticing a jet of yellow light that flew from his wand setting the carpet on fire.

''Crap.'' Harry muttered as he sent another jet of blue light at the floor, putting the fire out and leaving only a very scorched wet carpet.

Just then the man from the department of mysteries left the office. ''HARRY DID YOU JUST SET FIRE TO MY FLOOR!'' Kinsley bellowed from inside the office.

''If I said no would you be any more inclined to let me arrest him?'' Harry said re-entering the office followed by Ernie.

''No.''

''Then yes.'' Harry said scowling.

Kingsley took the reports from Ernie thanking him. ''See Harry _everyone_ _else_ does their reports.''

''I'm having a family crisis.''

''Harry if I let you off work every time you were having a '_family_ _crisis'_ you wouldn't ever be here, not that that would make any difference to the amount of reports that you've done.'' Kinsley said as Ernie left the office.

''What if he has done something illegal, he might be a bad influence.''

''Mm.'' Kingsley said. ''Because you've only done five background checks after all.''

Harry scowled and Kingsley said. ''Have you spoken to Ginny about this?''

''Yeah she told me to shut up and go to work.''

''Since when did I become you councillor.'' Kinsley muttered rifling through his draw. ''Here I need you to learn this.'' He said handing Harry a piece of parchment with what looked like a speech on it.

Harry narrowed his eyes at Kinsley. ''Why?''

''It's the speech you have to make at the press conference next week.'' Kingsley said.

''What? Why?''

''Because in case you forgot you defeated the most dangerous wizard of all time and people like to hear from you once in a while. Don't worry you don't have to write it.'' He said seeing the look on Harrys face.

''But I hate press conferences.'' Harry said putting on his _please-don't-make-me-do-it-I-hate-press-conferences_ face.

''Yes I know, you tell me every time.'' Kingsley muttered not looking up.

''Can I at least go home to learn it?'' Harry asked. ''As I haven't got any _actual_ work to do.''

''Harry you have thirty two _missing_ reports and you have to do a three month evaluation of two of you Auror's, by the way '_he's doing fine and he makes good coffee'_ is not a valid evaluation, what would you call _actual_ work?''

Harry glared at him. ''What's the point of being the head of the Auror department if you can't do anything about your little girl having a boyfriend?'' he said knowing Kinsley wouldn't want to hear another rant.

''Fine go home.'' Kingsley groaned. ''But I want those thirty two reports on my desk by Friday.''

Harry sighed loudly but left the office to go home before Kingsley changed his mind.

* * *

.

''Your home early, did you do any work or did you just moan at Kingsley?'' Ginny asked as her husband came in the frount door.

''Moaned at Kingsley,'' Harry muttered and Ginny nodded. ''I thought so.''

''Theres nothing, nothing at all that I can do.'' He moaned kissing Ginny as she sat down on the sofa with him and handed him a mug of tea.

''Well I did tell you there wouldn't be. Lily can make her own decisions.''

''I've got no problem about her making her own decisions I just don't want her to have a boyfriend.'' Harry said leaning on Ginnys shoulder in defeat.

Ginny laughed slightly at him. ''Don't you even think about telling the boys about him.'' She said sternly as Harry sat up. ''If they know then they'll already have interrogated him about it and if they don't then Lily doesn't want them to know, which is perfectly reasonable.''

Before Harry could reply to this the front door swung open. ''Hi.'' Someone called through the house.

''Hi.'' Ginny called back waiting for them to come through so they knew who it was but instead they just went straight through to the kitchen.

''Do you have any apples, Vic want some, the pink ones?''

''Teddy.'' Harry and Ginny said together.

''Have you tried a shop?'' Harry called through as Ginny went to look.

Teddy came through to the living room. ''Whats up with you?'' he said sitting down in one of the arm chairs.

''Lilys got a boyfriend.'' Harry groaned to his godson.

''Oh, what's he like? Is he an idiot? Who else knows? Has he been hurt yet? What's his name?'' Teddy asked the string of questions quickly.

''Course he's an idiot he's going out with my daughter, I don't know who else knows, I hope he's been hurt, or at least threatned, um Ginny what's his name?''

''Mike.'' Ginny called through.

''What kind of a names Mike?'' Teddy said grinning at the look on Harrys face.

''Do you want these apples or not.''

''Teddy.'' Harry said quietly so Ginny couldn't hear him. ''You know how you write to the boys, if you happened to tell them it wouldn't really matter, there bound to find out sometime.'' He said mildly.

Teddy grinned. ''So you're not allowed to tell them then?''

''No but you can.''

''I'll write tonight.'' Teddy said laughing at his godfather.

''Harry smiled. ''Good. Why does Vic want apples?''

Not any old apples _pink_ apples, I got her those brown ones and she yelled, apparently the pink ones are good for her skin or something.''

Ginny came back into the room. ''Are these the ones?''

''Yep.'' Teddy said jumping up. ''Perfect, thanks.'' He said grinning.

''See you soon.'' He said as he left the room.

''Bye.'' They called after him.

''So are you going to leave Lily alone then?'' Ginny said to Harry.

''Yeah, I'll just be nice and support her, its her life.''

Ginny frowned. ''Why don't I believe you?''

''Anyway.'' Harry said kissing her lightly. ''I have thirty two reports to write in two days.''

Ginny grinned. ''I can think of something much more fun to do.'' She said kissing him again.

In the end Kingsley never got his reports.

.

* * *

**A/N**

Yeah um, this one wasn't actually going to be next, it was going to a baking scene thing between them but my laptop deleted it, don't worry though im going to redo it (: I wrote this one ages ago and I wasn't going to put it up because I don't really like it but I felt really bad about taking so long.

I've got a new poll on my profile, but its got no votes in yet *hint hint ;)*

Also I just wrote a one shot about Sirius but its the first angsty thing I've written and I'd really love it if you lot could tell me if its any good, there is sone humor in there to... It's called 'The Time I Belonged'

So yeah, what do you think? Review please (:


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